Furius, you who haven't got a slave
no piggy bank, not a bug or spider or heat;
but you certainly have a father and stepmother
whose teeth can even chew sand.
It's delightful for you, with your father
and with your father's wooden wife -
no wonder, since you all do well with everything,
you endure nicely; you fear nothing
not flame, nor total ruin,
not evil deeds or slander's lies,
or other chance of dangers.
But really, are your bodies drier than bone,
or than anything (if there is anything)
made even drier, by sun, cold and starvation?
So why wouldn't everything be well and happy for you?
You are without sweat, spit, snot or runny nose.
To this neatness add an even greater neatness
because your asshole is cleaner than a salt dish
(not ten shits in a whole year
and they're harder than a bean or little pebbles)
and if you touched it and probed it with your hands
you could never slip a finger into it.
Furius, don't despise these lovely comforts,
or think them worthless;
And as for that grand you always beg?
Leave off with a hundred.
You're happy enough.

Furi cui neque servus est neque arca
nec cimex neque araneus neque ignis,
verum est et pater et noverca, quorum
dentes vel silicem comesse possunt,
est pulcre tibi cum tuo parente
et cum coniuge lignea parentis.
nec mirum: bene nam valetis omnes,
pulcre concoquitis, nihil timetis,
non incendia, non graves rvinas,
non facta impia, non dolos veneni,
non casus alios periculorum.
atque corpora sicciora cornu
aut siquid magis aridum est habetis
sole et frigore et esuritione.
quare non tibi sit bene ac beate?
a te sudor abest, abest saliva,
mucusque et mala pituita nasi.
hanc ad munditiem adde mundiorem,
quod culus tibi purior salillo est,
nec toto decies cacas in anno;
atque id durius est faba et lapillis.
quod tu si manibus teras fricesque,
non umquam digitum inquinare posses
haec tu commoda tam beata, Furi,
noli spernere nec putare parvi,
et sestertia quae soles precari
centum desine: nam sat es beatus.

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