Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems/Johnny Judkins

JOHNNY JUDKINS.

Johnny Judkins was a vender

Of a patent liquid blacking:

Johnny Judkins he was witty,

And for "cheek" he was not lacking.

Johnny stood upon the corner,

Selling polish day by day,

And would "polish off" a party

Who had any thing to say.

Johnny's stereotyped expression

Was, "Now, gents, at the beginnin'

I would state this magic polish

Will not soil the finest linen."

Johnny then its other virtues

Rapidly would mention o'er,

And would sell his gaping hearers

From a dozen to a score.

Hans von Puffer bought a bottle,

Which upon his shirt-front white,

As he used it without caution,

Left a spot as black as night.

Back to Johnny went Von Puffer,

Saying, " Vot vas dot you zayl

'Tvill not soil der vinest linen?

See mine shirt-vrond righdt avay!

"Vot vas dot ubon mine bosom?

Von't you dold me, ef you blease!

Shust you gife me pack mine money,

Or I goes vor der boleese!"

Johnny looked upon the Deutscher

With a bland and childlike smile;

Then upon the crowd before him,

Who enjoyed the sport meanwhile.

"Gentlemen," says Johnny Judkins,

"As I said in the beginnin',

This 'ere patent liquid polish

Will not soil the finest linen.

"As for that," says Johnny Judkins,—

Pointing where the spot of crock

Showed upon Von Puffer's bosom

Like a black sheep in a flock,—

"As for that," repeated Johnny,

"If you call that linen fine,

I would merely say, my hearers,

Your opinion is not mine."

Johnny Judkins still continues

Selling blacking by the ton.

Hans von Puffer chalks that bosom

Every time he puts it on.

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