You will find me drinking rum,
  Like a sailor in a slum,
You will find me drinking beer like a Bavarian.
  You will find me drinking gin
  In the lowest kind of inn,
Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.

  So I cleared the inn of wine,
  And I tried to climb the sign,
And I tried to hail the constable as “Marion.”
  But he said I couldn’t speak,
  And he bowled me to the Beak
Because I was a Happy Vegetarian.

  Oh, I knew a Doctor Gluck,
  And his nose it had a hook,
And his attitudes were anything but Aryan;
  So I gave him all the pork
That I had, upon a fork;
Because I am myself a Vegetarian.

  I am silent in the Club,
  I am silent in the pub,
I am silent on a bally peak in Darien;
  For I stuff away for life
  Shoving peas in with a knife,
Because I am at heart a Vegetarian.

  No more the milk of cows
  Shall pollute my private house
Than the milk of the wild mares of the Barbarian;
  I will stick to port and sherry,
  For they are so very, very
So very, very, very Vegetarian.