THE ICE CREAM TANGO
(written for the 1973 production at UCSC of the musical Park)
words and music by Tom Lehrer
| Elizabeth: [spoken] | Do you know what I would really like right now? |
| [sung] | I would like ---- some ice cream. |
| Sara & Jamie: | Me too! |
| Elizabeth: | I would like ---- a cone. |
| Sara & Jamie: | Me too! |
| Austin: | Me too! |
| Elizabeth: | It would really hit the spot, |
| Jamie: [spoken] | What flavor does your majesty crave? |
| Elizabeth: | I would like ---- vanilla. |
| Jamie: | Me too! |
| Austin: | Not me. Iʼll take chocʼlate. |
| Sara: | I want peach. |
| Jamie: [spoken] | Peach?? |
| Sara: [spoken] | All right, chocʼlate. |
| Elizabeth: | But wouldnʼt it be pleasant, |
| Sara: [spoken] | Including peach! [Sara and Jamie stick tongues out at each other.] |
| Austin: | Would you rather have a dish? |
| Elizabeth: [spoken] | A bit too fancyish! |
| Austin: | Would you like it on a plate? |
| Elizabeth: [spoken] | Itʼs good -- but not great. |
| Austin: | Would you like it on a stick? |
| Sara & Jamie: [spoken] | Ick! |
| Austin: | Well, how about a cup? [others shake their heads] |
| Jamie: | Me too! You canʼt carry them alone. |
| Elizabeth & Sara: | Heʼs right. |
| Austin: | I know. |
| Jamie: | Two chocʼlates, two vanillas, |
| Elizabeth & Sara: | Two chocʼlates, two vanillas. |
| Austin: | For nothing the world has ever known........ |
| Jamie: | Nothing the world has ever known....... |
| Elizabeth & Sara: | Nothing the world has ever known |
| All [in harmony]: | Can compare with an ice cream |
| Elizabeth: | Cone! |
| Austin & Jamie | I want an ice cream cone! |
| Elizabeth & Sara: [spoken] | Me too! |
(Possibly some introductory dialogue, indicating that the four people are friends, that it is summer, etc.)
(Bell rings offstage)
A: What's that?
B: Could it be an ice cream truck?
C: I didn't think they existed any more.
D: Remember when we were kids how we used to look forward to the Good Humor Man?
(All laugh) (trill in the music)
Soprano: (spoken) As a matter of fact, do you know what I would really like right now?
(sings) I would like some ice cream.......
Possible scene after the song
(During "two chocolates, two vanillas", A looks out the window.)
A: Hey, he's gone!
(All register disappointment.)
B: He must have left while we were standing around here singing.
All resume singing with "Nothing the world has ever known", etc.
This work is in the public domain worldwide because it has been so released by the copyright holder.