< Page:Idalia, by 'Ouida' volume 3.djvu
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92

IDALIA

the hand that lay in his contracted as though it

grasped a weapon wherewith to requite a deadly, endless wrong.

"So far I was sinned against," she went on, with effort, as though the memorĂ­es which arose stifled her with poisonous fumes. "But in all else the evil is mine. The sway was guilty that had been put into my hands, but I grew to love it as we grow to love the opium that we hate at first. All power had irresistible fascination for me, and I learned to use mine pitilessly; and I should use it so tomorrow to all save you. The political career into which I had been plunged had its sorcery for me; I delighted in it even whilst I abhorred it. I soon learnt how to play on men's passions until from them I gained what I would. If my instruments were broken under my hands, I never heeded it; they had served my end, and the end was great still, though its means were accursed; the end was still the liberties of the nations. The truth did not come to me till I had gone too far to draw back, too far not to be enamoured of the merciless dominion that I found I could command. When I knew it, I grew wholly reckless. I had been foully, basely wronged, and all that was dangerous in me rose and hardened. I had been stabbed in

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