APPRECIATION
My muvver's ist the nicest one
  'At ever lived wiz folks;
She lets you have ze mostes' fun,
  An' laffs at all your jokes.

I got a ol' maid auntie, too,
  The worst you ever saw;
Her eyes ist bore you through and through,—
  She ain't a bit like ma.

She's ist as slim, as slim can be,
  An' when you want to slide
Down on ze balusters, w'y she
  Says 'at she's harrified.

She ain't as nice as Uncle Ben,
  What says 'at little boys
Won't never grow to be big men
  Unless they're fond of noise.

But muvver's nicer zan 'em all,
  She calls you, "precious lamb,"
An' let's you roll your ten-pin ball,
  An' spreads your bread wiz jam.

An' when you're bad, she ist looks sad,
  You fink she's goin' to cry;
An' when she don't you're awful glad,
  An' den you're good, Oh, my!

At night, she takes ze softest hand,
  An' lays it on your head,
An' says "Be off to Sleepy-Land
  By way o' trundle-bed."

So when you fink what muvver knows
  An' aunts an' uncle tan't,
It skeers a feller; ist suppose
  His muvver 'd been a aunt.